President Garfield's I-refuse-to-Rest-In-Peace rant! / attempt at a dramatic monologue >.< !

Ha, ha! To think that I would die
After a measly 200 days in office,
What a joke! Of course I suppose being President
Comes with its fair share of troubles,
But I didn't even get to do anything-well 'cept
Get rid of Conkling I suppose.  But quite frankly,
I feel peeved, a bit cheated yes indeed,
Afterall, by no means had I simply "sailed" into
Office! Why no, I'd worked all the way up, by myself,
To where I was that day as President of the USA.
Ever since I was born in that ol' log cabin
In Cuyahoga County- have you been there
Before Dr. Bell? It's a place in Ohio- and lost my dear
Papa when I was but two years old- don't remember him
'Cept for what we have of him in pictures- ever since then
I've always had to fend for myself. Why, did you know that
I even drove canal boat teams to pay for my own
Education? Yes, that even during the Civil War I fought
Hard and was able to win a Union battle when few had
Been won at Middle Creek, Kentucky? Later I even became
Brigadier general at only 31 years old and a major general
At 33 years old.  And even later, when I was elected to
The US Congress, I was able to win reelection
For 18 years and become the leading Republican
In the House! In fact, to tell the truth, even before my political career,
I'd already been a farmer, carpenter, student, preacher,
Teacher, lawyer, legislator, and military general.  And
Don't you agree, Dr. Bell, that my experience in such a wide
Range of fields, would have allowed me to be an even better
President? Aye, I was back to the basics, that I was-all about
Bringing the government back from corruption; retrieving it
From that muddled mess it got into after the Civil War,
I mean, don't you remember the whole Conkling controversy
That erupted when all  I did was try to appoint Roberston?
Quite frankly, with all the fuss Conkling kept making, I almost
Couldn't tell if I was just a registering clerk for the Senate,
Or actually the rightful Executive of the US Government!

But alas! Then I got shot- and Dr. Bell,
I guess I should have listened to you, I suppose,
Or taken your advice back then, rather than
Moaning and groaning about my aches and pains,
But that new novel metal-springed bed
Was just too comfy! And then again, you know
How easily tired I was-I even successfully conducted
The first front porch campaign,
Just so I could stay home and rest!
So yes, Dr. Bell, if you'll forgive me and my surgeons,
Of misunderstanding your metal detector contraption-
I guess they were a bit skeptical and stubborn, while
I was a just wary and worn (I was the last of the
Log-cabin Presidents afterall) of that bullet inside me;
Though now I do wish that same contraption could have
Located that darn bullet and perhaps!-I could have been free!
But I guess now, all I can say in retrospect,
Is I'm glad that the Pendleton Civil Service Act
Was passed faster after my death!